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Submitted by admin on Sun, 2005-10-23 11:00.

In 10 years of skiing the Alps -- in Germany, Austria and Italy, but mostly Switzerland -- we keep hearing the same question from Americans and from Europeans: "Isn't the skiing better in the USA?" Having tried Vermont and Colorado, our response is always a polite, "Not for us so far."

For on-piste skiers (those who have neither a death wish nor a low threshold of boredom), we've found skiing in Switzerland to be more challenging and interesting. Years ago, American slopes were better groomed, but that was years ago. Swiss runs have mostly caught up, Swiss lifts are generally faster and more modern, and if you want to compare those cafeterias at American resorts to the charming mountain restaurants of Switzerland -- where you can dine and sunbathe outdoors on cloudless days -- please, don't get us started. And ambience? As much as we love America, our rough-and-ready countrymen know how to spend, and they know how to party, but it takes a Swiss to show you how to enjoy the mountains with an exuberance tempered by grace.

This past year, with the dollar lower than a punch thrown by the devil, we visited Crans Montana, in Switzerland, and one of us (Julie, the more devoted skier) went to Vail, Colo. Here is what it cost: large double room in Crans, with terrace and open mountain view at a five-star hotel, with breakfast: $390; Vail junior suite of comparable quality, a bit larger but without the view: $650, including breakfast; Crans ski guide per day: $350; Vail ski guide for a day: $560; Crans lift ticket $47/day; Vail lift ticket: $77/day.

There is another concern that keeps Americans away from winter Switzerland: the fear of taking an untrained American body, hauling it over 3,500 miles of ocean and up 10,000 feet of Alp, there to strap on two thin boards (or one wide one, if you snowboard) and proceed to make an fool of yourself in the mountains where downhill was invented and where any passing 6-year-old can (and will) outshine you.

Thank your lucky stars that you picked up your Sunday newspaper, because we're here to help. Here, in a form suitable for folding and storing in any inside pocket in any famous-make parka, is your 61/2-step guide to skiing and snowboarding like a genuine, peace-loving, snow-loving, cheese-melting, temperate but kind of goofy Swiss.

Just because your skis, bindings, poles and boots were probably made in Europe doesn't mean they are homesick. Swiss International Airlines, Swiss Rail, the Post Bus system (and connecting boats, if you happen to find a lake in your way) will offer to cart your skis from wherever you live to wherever you are going, and -- sit down for this if you're used to planes, trains and buses in the United States -- actually get you and your baggage there on time and in one piece. You really love your skis and boots? Go ahead, bring them. In Switzerland, however, rental equipment in the leading resorts is high-end gear of recent vintage. The selection is usually so good, plenty of Swiss can't be bothered hauling in their own. It's cool always to use the newest stuff, and if you break your poles, play bumper cars with rocks or repeatedly drop everything you carry onto the pavement (and we've done it all), just remember our happy mantra, "It's just a rental, it's just a rental ..."

Make up in your suitcase for the ski boots you didn't bring by carrying some stylish après-ski outfits. At some Swiss ski hotels, dinner is a jacket-and-tie event; at others, it is more casual, but Swiss skiers generally like to look nice. If you don't have chic winter clothing at home, not to worry; Switzerland did not become one of the richest nations in the world by forgetting to open charming boutiques wherever visitors might be found.

We like the look, lightness and durability of Bogner ski clothes (from Germany) and Falke socks (expensive little wonders from an old German maker, each pair cut with a designated left and right). For après ski, we like Ralph Lauren (see, we enjoy American things) and Giorgio Armani (for those "go to hell, darling" Eurotrash moments that make us feel less foreign).

And goofy works as well, especially in headgear. In the Swiss Alps, you will likely find someone skiing past you wearing a hat with moose antlers, a chunk of Swiss cheese, a comic face or more tassels than a Texas cheerleader. The point is: It's OK to look good, and if you'd just rather look silly, that is totally appropriate as well.

In Switzerland, the only flat things that gladden the heart are banknotes and chocolate bars. Thanks to the Alps, the whole nation (save those bits where money gets banked and watches are made) is on the vertical. The Alps are staggering in their majesty and present as beautiful a view as can be found anywhere. Perhaps it is because the Alps so exceed what man can do that manmade beauty in Switzerland is petite and demure. (Good luck finding a dramatic cathedral, a let-them-eat-cake palace or an in-your-face skyscraper.) All along the slopes, you will ski around people stopping to rest and have a look. Indeed, the Alps may be the one place in Europe where you can take in the view, and take pictures of the view, and not feel or look like a tourist.

In Crans Montana, the southern view is a line of peaks that include Mont Blanc and the Matterhorn. In Zermatt, the Sphinx-like Matterhorn dominates the skyline. In other resorts, the effect is like being at the bottom of a bowl, with trees and above them, the mountains, all around. Most of the resorts are so high, when you ski you are above the tree line, making for open, unobstructed runs over rolling waves of white, crowned by a sky that turns, depending on time of day and position of the sun, from baby blue, to royal blue to navy. Nowhere is it anything but magnificent.

Style matters, and falling flat on your face under the unobstructed gaze of dozens is very unstylish. There are many different ways to ski, but the ideal method is to stay upright, which is a useful pose to strike at 10,000 feet of altitude atop a three-foot base of snow. Americans tend to ski with determination and grit, but remember those 6-year-old Swiss kids who ski better than you? They started learning at 3 or 4, and that's why it seems like everyone around you in Switzerland is descended from a race of mountain goats. Don't take offense: take action. Hire a Swiss ski instructor and make him or her put you through a refresher course in classic Alpine method. A note to those starting out: Don't waste your time in group lessons; you'll spend most of your time standing around, unable to learn much of anything from others' mistakes. Get private lessons. You'll learn faster.

The reason they call it "vacation" is because it is not your job. You can tell the Americans in Switzerland: they're up and ready when the lifts open, and they take the last run down when the lifts shut. They often substitute PowerBars for a sit-down lunch, which is simultaneously noble and pathetic. They can also come across as loud and pushy -- national cliches -- when all they have to do is calm down, speak softly and chill out in the Alpine chill.

Learn from the locals who, you will soon notice, saunter to the slopes between 9:30 and 10:30. If you want a table at one of those charming mountain restaurants, and you are there at peak season, call ahead, because between 12 and 12:30, everyone Swiss stops for lunch. Some more skiing follows, and then the snow bars get going, vending hot Alpine treats such as Glühwein (mulled wine) and Jagertee (a combustible brew of black tea and rum). In short, for the Swiss, skiing is leisure, not an endurance test (which so much of life appears to be for Americans, at least in European eyes).

If you're a diehard American skier or snowboarder and under medical supervision, consult your doctor first before reading this: On some days in Switzerland, people don't even bother to ski. Your typical Swiss resort has curling (for people who like to throw stones and sweep ice), nocturnal tobogganing, paragliding, and all those spas. Crans Montana has a resident hot air balloonist (an ex-Philadelphian) to give you a lift and gourmet dining at the Hostellerie Du Pas de L'Ours. St. Moritz has, annually, polo on ice and a food festival, and year-round gourmet dining at Jöhri's Talvo. Which is another way of saying that, should you be unlucky with the weather, or would just like to enjoy Switzerland like a Swiss, you can spend your days taking in a few runs, eating and drinking in moderation and otherwise amusing yourself, with no apologizes to anyone. But if you must ski 9 to 5 (as Julie admits she will do), always leave room for the indoor yang to the mountain yin: the spa.

When we started skiing Switzerland together, in 1996, a couple hotels in each town had a sauna. Within a short time, Spa Wars had broken out across the Alps, as hotel after hotel built ever more lavish facilities with swimming pools, whirlpools, two kinds of sauna, steam baths, Turkish baths, aroma-therapy baths, heated-tile lounge benches, light therapy and those stones in cold water you're supposed to walk on to make your feet feel better. And then there are massages, and enough body wraps to make you feel like Godzilla's taco. Even the smallest hotels now have at least a sauna.

What gets many Americans concerned is that the Swiss are rather casual about nudity and very practical: why build two identical saunas when everyone can share? It took us aback at first, but once you get used to it, you see they are right. Yes, your [fill in worst part of anatomy here] isn't body-double quality, but no one cares. And if you travel as a couple, the last thing you want at the end of the day is to go for a fabulous spa experience while separated from your sweetie and in the company of sweaty same-sex strangers. In Switzerland, you get to go splish-splash together, and that's just fine with us.

One-half because it is a small thing that applies mainly to foreigners but is becoming more Swiss: that is, please speak English. The official languages of Switzerland are German, French, Italian and a mountain rarity called Romansch. The German is spoken in indigenous dialects barely comprehensible to a German-speaking German, and even Swiss Germans are giving up on learning French in favor of English (much to the amusement of the Brits, who've hardly bothered with French since Henry V won at Agincourt). Much of the help at hotels and restaurants is imported from Italy and Portugal, so do yourself and everyone around you a favor: speak English.

There you have it -- easy when you give it a little practice. Now get out there and make your nation proud of you. And remember: somewhere, on one of those slopes, sometime this year, we'll be out there too, watching how you're getting along.

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