Your wife was pleased to be acknowledged by her boss; he used a popular holiday to brighten the day of several employees. But you cast a dark shadow on the day, and her good feelings.

Q: I've gained 15 pounds since my wedding eight years ago – I've had two children and I'm not considered overweight on the BMI (Body Mass Index) scale.

However, I think it's changed my husband's view of me. He never initiates sex, and sometimes turns me down. I discovered his porn stash. He speaks condescendingly to me, saying that my world is small because I'm not as educated as he is. He originally accepted that I'd want more than two children; now, he says I should earn a degree and find a job instead of having another child.

When I ask, "How was your day," I'm greeted with a grunt or silence. I feel neglected and regret marrying him. However, he's a wonderful provider and a decent father.

A: You have work to do, and I don't mean a job beyond the one you have at home. You need professional marriage counselling for both of you; the immediate tough task is to convince your husband of this. If he refuses, go yourself to help decide your future as you wish, and not as he dictates.

This is NOT the time to have more children, as you can't be sure the marriage will last. Furthering your education is useful and empowering, but first think through an overall plan. Since you mention the weight issue first, I advise you to start a gentle exercise regime like walking daily, and cut down on fatty and high-sugared foods, for better health.

But don't let the relatively small weight gain cloud the serious issue of your husband's distance and rejection. Losing 15 pounds won't make this marriage perfect, but taking more control of your life will help you decide how to handle it.

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